You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just pynch a tree in the face
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
