were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
They are going to name an STD after you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
