Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
