piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
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Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
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When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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