I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
