New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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