I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
