Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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