What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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