you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
