so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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