dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
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After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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