dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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