soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
