So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
