I didn't shave. On purpose
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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