I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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