dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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