oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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