i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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