Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
