i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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