so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
