Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
