Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize