Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
