I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
