yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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