we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
