Cold hands, warm shart.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
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