You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
