I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
