he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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