I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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