need another drink. this is the easiest way
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
