I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
