He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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