why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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