I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
