In America we eat man semen.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
