Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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