don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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