she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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