She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
