I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
