He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just gift wrapped bread.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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