You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
