i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
