I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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