I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
