Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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