Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Someone shattered a urinal.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
