so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
