today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
