i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
