And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
