dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
