I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
