Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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