i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
