do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
