I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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