I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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