Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
