Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
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Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
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Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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