Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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