i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
