Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
