The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
