I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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