I'm really into asian looking animals
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
