I cannot find my penis.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
