I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
