When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I party with great urgency now.
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