Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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