He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize