I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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