I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
