oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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