you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
