Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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