Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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