I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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