I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
